Gene's Blog: Calipari, Cubs, cookies, and other "Foolish" stuff

April 01, 2009

In honor of April Fools Day, it’s time for a spring edition of “True/Not True.”

True: It’s April 1 and it’s snowing in the Twin Cities.

True: The state record for most snowfall in one place in one month was March 1965, when 66.4 inches fell in Collegeville.

True: As a regular Gene’s Blog reader, you expect that a St. John’s joke is coming.

True: A St. John’s joke IS coming

Not True: A carload of Johnnie football players were treated for frostbite that month after being rescued at the local drive-in movie. They went to watch the film “Closed for the Season.”

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True: In the last 17 months, St. Thomas has played NCAA champion teams head-to-head in eight sports, with four wins.

True: The Toms beat Winona State in overtime and lost to Washington (Mo.) in men’s hoops; beat Amherst 2-1 in women’s hockey; lost in overtime last season in the NCAA quarterfinals to St. Norbert; went 2-1 last season vs. UW-Eau Claire in softball, including an extra-inning NCAA playoff loss; in baseball last March led Trinity (Ct.) 1-0 in the seventh inning before losing 7-2; and played Methodist and St. John’s in women’s and men’s golf.

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True: The Tommie men’s hoops team’s .968 season win percentage (30-1 record) is the best for any winter-spring team in modern MIAC history.

True: The Timberwolves have a .143 win clip (4-24) since early February.

Not True: The Wolves gave up winning for Lent.

True: The Tommie men’s five postseason wins are tied with Carleton soccer for the most thus far in 2008-09 by any conference team.

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True: The Tommie men’s 16-0 home record this season at Schoenecker Arena is likely the best home record by any team in conference history.

True: The Schoenecker Arena karma also worked for the Final Four-bound Michigan State Spartans, who practiced there March 19 the day before their first NCAA tourney game.

Not True: Instead of demolishing it this summer, St. Thomas will try to sell Schoenecker Arena on eBay (U buy, U haul).

True: Tubby Smith stopped by a recent Tommie basketball practice, and now Tim Brewster is bringing his Minnesota Gophers to O’Shaughnessy Stadium on April 25 to play their spring football game.

Not True: The St. Paul Saints will give away Schoenecker bobble-head dolls to commemorate coaching legends who worked/visited there in the final season: Thanh, Ruth, Fritz, Tubby and Izzo.

True: Brewster is an early adopter of the Twitter phenomenon.

True: With Twitter’s 140-character limit per Tweet, Coach Brew can type in “RoseBowl” 17 times.

Not True: Because I’m so long winded, Twitter is giving me a special exemption and allows me 250 characters per Tweet.

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True: A Minnesota men’s college hockey team outscored No. 2-ranked Notre Dame and No. 9 Cornell 9-2 last weekend to advance to the Frozen Four to be held in Washington, D.C.

True: This is no B.S.: It wasn’t the Gophers… or UMD… or St. Cloud State… or Minnesota State Mankato.

True: It’s a team that was a 16th seed… a team that lost six of its first seven games this season… and just 10 seasons ago, prior to going Division I, lost to St. Thomas… a team that plays in the goofiest conference alignment in college sports (a four-team league with members from New York, Pennsylvania, Alabama and Minnesota)…. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the Bemidji State Beavers.

True: Bemidji State has won as many NCAA tournament games thus far (two) as the four Gophers men’s and women’s basketball and hockey teams combined (two).

True: Next week, Minnesota will have as many college hockey teams working in Washington, D.C. (one) as it has seated U.S. Senators (one).

Not True: The ghost of Herb Brooks has been seen lurking near the BSU bench in the team’s recent 9-1 surge.

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True: The surprise Division III men’s hockey champion, the 12th-ranked Neumann Knights beat 15th-ranked Gustavus 4-1 in the NCAA finals. Neuman lost a November game to Adrian by a whopping 10-1 margin.

True: Just four seasons back, Neumann finished 4-17-1, including an 0-12-1 start.

True: Six years ago, Neumann was 1-21-1. That winter, the Minnesota Gophers won the D-I championship with an 8-0 postseason run and 28-8-9 final record.

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True: Over the next five years, the University of Kentucky will spend approximately $28 million in salary/bonus to two men’s basketball coaches -– recently fired Billy Gillispie, and new hire John Calipari.

True: The combined salary for all 400 Division III men’s basketball head coaches next year will be approximately $28 million.

True: With his eight-year contract of $35 million, Calipari can buy 10 million boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Not True: The lucky girl who sells 10 million boxes of cookies to Calipari will earn enough points for a pony, an IPod, an SUV, a beachfront house, and a helicopter.

Not True: The near-bankrupt state of Cali-fornia will seek a loan from Cali-pari.

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True: Tommie baseball coach Dennis Denning (493-149 W-L) needs seven victories to reach 500 on his 15-year St. Thomas career.

True: Denning, Steve Fritz, John Tschida, Terry Skrypek and Terry Peck give St. Thomas five current head coaches with 400 or more college victories.

True: Denning also had a 378-76 record in 17 seasons at Cretin-Derham Hall.

True: Add in John Tschida’s 547 college softball wins over the same 15 seasons, and the Cretin-Derham Hall alums have a combined 1,040-243 college record.

True: In the last 14 seasons in the MIAC races, teams coached by Denning in baseball and Tschida in softball have finished first or second 26 of a possible 28 times. Their teams have 10 firsts, three seconds and one third place.

Not True: After seeing Calipari’s new salary, Denning wants to know if Kentucky is looking to hire a baseball coach.

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True: Even when it expanded a few years ago, few expected the Northern Sun Intercollegiate Conference to play with the elite teams in NCAA Division II.

True: Six Northern Sun teams (all from Minnesota) have won national championships in Division II since 2006, including three this school year.

Not True: Division I sports have the market on all the best athletes in Minnesota.

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True: After losing his endorsement deal with Nike, a French pole vaulter tried to attract a new sponsor with a creative idea. He ran through the streets with wearing only his shoes.

Not True: Twins catcher Mike Redmond, who occasionally strolls the Twins clubhouse in his birthday suit, heard about the naked stunt and said, “If that guy gets an endorsement, let my agent know.”

Not True: The Frenchman’s dad invented the streaking fad in the U.S. in the 1970s.

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True: Tiger Woods has his own website: www.tigerwoods.com

True: Tiger Woods has won 66 of 225 PGA Tour events he’s entered (29 percent). He has received $84 million in Tour prize money over those 13 seasons.

True: Tiger Woods’ academic major at Stanford was… Economics

True: Brett Quigley placed second in two March PGA tournaments and has $10 million in career earnings. But Quigley has yet to win in 13 years on the PGA Tour (0-for-343 starts).

Not True: When Quigley finally breaks through and wins, he’ll buy the Chicago Cubs and put his name on the ballpark. Wrigley Field will become Quigley Field… and the Cubs will finally win the World Series.

True: If you think the Cubs are winning the Series, you’re not just an April Fool. You’re also a May Fool, a June Fool, a July Fool, an August Fool, a September Fool, and most of all an October Fool.